Om Ganesha,
Evening Pujas and Prayers
June 20, 2004
Namaste my chelas all over the world,
IT IS SAID IN THE KATHA UPANISAD " EVEN DEATH IS ABSORBED IN THE ETERNAL"
Yesterday your Ma looked around and saw my family of chelas, children, grandchildren and knew all of us were ABSORBED IN THE ETERNAL TOGETHER.
We represented every religion on this Mother Earth.
We represented every part of my Son’s Life with his Mother, sisters, brothers, and his children and his close friends.
I have been staring at my computer for a long time, trying to understand how to put in writing, my gratitude toward my chelas for the MOST BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL ANY ONE HAS EVER ATTENDED OR PUT TOGETHER FOR THE DEAD.
My chela’s love for my Jimmy Boy and His Mom rose like a sweet halo toward all the angels in the universe.
I can not even begin to start and yet I must.
I walked out to my Sanyasan and chelas with my Achariyas and chelas.
The sun was out and all of Kashi was aglow in love for my son.
I stood there for a moment and looked up, and then I saw the LARGE POSTER LIKE PICTURES OF OUR JIMMY BOY ON EVERY TREE ON THE PATH TO OUR BABA’S TEMPLE AND THE GREAT FIRE THAT MY SON LOVED SO WELL.
I did not know where to put all the compassion and adoration and love, for it overflowed my own human heart and bleed into every spiritual heart that has ever came into being.
Our Harvard Annapurna played her Bag pipes and lead the procession, ( this was not very easy for her as she knew her Guru Mother was grieving right behind her ) she played like an angel.
It is written that there is a great love that very few can reach, a secret place beneath the Spirit Heart, the chief place of the Supreme Prem (love.
It is there that we all were, drenched in Jimmy’s Love and The Love of God and Goddess.
As we entered into the Christ Garden, and saw the magnificent flowers in the Form of Angel Wings, every one was struck by the care and devotion my chelas gave to every detail, to every single second of this MOST WONDERFUL OF ALL MEMORIALS.
In a world filled with stress and personal pain, my chelas put aside all thoughts of themselves and truly thought only of the Mother and Her Son.
Even Lord Shiva was decorated with FLOWERS FOR OUR JIMMY AND FOR THE DEVOTION OF THE LORD.
I looked over and saw my chelas and guests and Jimmy’s friends from all over the world who came to respect and love this moment in time and space and to be with their Guru Mother and their Ma.
We entered into the Temple Area and all chanting stopped.
PICTURES OF JIMMY BOY EVERY WHERE.
I felt so blessed to be the Guru Mother and Mom in that moment and surely in every moment of our lives.
Holding the trident high I cried out to Every God and Goddess in the Form of my own God Lord Shiva, our Hanuman Our Baba, OM NAMAH SHIVA KI JAI THREE TIMES AS IT IS WRITTEN.
I looked for my Kimti Jaya Bhagavati to be the PRIEST OF MY HEART AND THERE HE WAS.
I LOOKED WITH THE MOTHER’S EYES INTO THE HEARTS OF ALL MY CHELAS AND GUESTS AND ALL I COULD SEE WAS A LOVE SO DEEP THAT I HAND TO TURN AWAY TO COLLECT MYSELF.
MY BABA NEEM KAROLI HELD ME AS I CLUNG TO HIS FEET AND MY SWAMI NITYANANDA SAID :THIS ONE STAYS IN THE CHIDAKASHA AND SO SHALL THE MOTHER: and so I breathed in deeply and let the grief rise to the Mother Dhumavati.
THEN I SAW HER, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOTHER OF GUADALUPE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE, SHE IS MY MOTHER AND THE MOTHER OF MY SON.
I BURIED HIM WITH HER GOLD MEDAL AROUND HIS NECK TO HOLD HIM ALWAYS.
I bowed and almost could not get up, for I could feel Her whole Being embracing me.
I asked our Bhairavi Jaya if The Holy Mother of Guadalupe could take the place of our Virgin who i greet each morning for years and years in Her Shrine.
Even as I said the words I could feel my heart stop, yet my Bhairavi would do anything at all for her Guru Mother.
Later of course when She the Virgin Mother of all came to me when we were all in the boat, I knew I could not move Her, for how would I greet the Dawn of Kashi with out Her Form?
We will place our Lady on another piece of Kashi’s Heaven.
I spoke to my son and to all children of broken hearted parents and children of parents who ended their lives in such a tragic way.
Knowing my son as only the Mother could know, I said to every one that this MAGNIFICENT MEMORIAL WAS FOR ALL AND THAT I WISHED EVERY MOTHER’S SON AND DAUGHTER COULD HAVE THE SPLENDOR THAT OUR JIM BOY HAS AT THAT MOMENT.
My own sweet Achariya who I could not have made it in New York with out, spoke first, he was the last to see our Jim and the one who did the most to help my baby.
Perhaps because our Achariya had been so very brave and strong in Brooklyn for His Ma and His Shody and His Jimmy, he could give away to the grief at this moment.
And he did.
I am sorry Ma he said and I held him close to my breast the way I use to hold my Jimmy Boy.
His close ones spoke with such eloquence of the thirty two years they knew him, our Achariya Durga Das, our Yoga Achariya, Laxman who always loved our Jim the best of any child, our Bina who raised him since he was a very little boy and she wrote a beautiful poem about Ma and Her Handsome Son, something she said for well over thirty five years.
When he got too big to grab by the ears and became this gentle gorgeous giant, she would chase him with a hanger and he would laugh and laugh.
Our Swami Young Durga Das who grew up as Jim Boys Friend and who got in more trouble with our Jimmy boy then he knew I knew about, spoke as only a brother could speak.
Sanyasi Ma who lived in our house in Brooklyn and who our Jim called Prema spoke like the Mother She is and was to our Jimmy Boy.
He always called on Her up to recently.
Our Bagala, my own Bagala and our Jimmy Boys Aunt Marie who he just adored and loved and told his secret dreams to, spoke or could hardly speak of her love for this child of hers.
I love you my Bagala.
Our Sebby, our Jimmy’s Fishing Buddy and very good friend, (Jim Boy only spoke of his Sebby about a week before the tragedy happened, :Tell Sebby we are going fishing Mom OK?
Our Sebby who is really named Viswanatha and who has for countless times whispered in the ear of the dying and the dead Ram Ram as it has been done for centuries, is very special to his Ma and to Jim.
Can I even begin to tell you how our Sudamini Jaya Sang?
Never in my life have I heard the Ave Marie sung with such a voice like a nightingale.
My Sudamini and my Jayanta are the parents of our New Baby Boy who is the first to be named after our Lineage of Natha Yoga.
He is Natha Shiva Jaya and a big big boy who this Guru Mother is going to spoil.
Our Anjani my very own Cookie and chela of over thirty years sang Jimmy’s favorite Elvis Presly song and I could see our Jimmy Loving such a magnificent farewell.
And then my own and Jimmy’s own Ananda Devi Jaya spoke of Her Jimmy and Jimmy’s son our Tony Cho who I raised and Ananda Devi Jaya raised from the day he was born.
She was and is Jimmy’s own princess.
Every thing was Ananda Devi this and Ananda Devi that, he just went on and on about His Ananda Devi.
I love you my Ananda Devi and thank you for taking care of my son and my grandson and in fact all the many children of our Sacred Ashram
And then My Own Christos sang from the depth of his Soul.
How he sung Holy Mother, How he sung to his Ma, how he sung to his Guru, I do not know, how a voice could reach into my heart and pull out the grief.
Thank you my Christos.
On hearing our Christos my grandson, Jimmy’s son, Tony Cho cried and cried laying his head in my lap.
The rain had begun a while before and it was magnificent to see not one person move or leave.
Holding my grandson tighter than ever before my heart tore in a million pieces.
Jimmy’s brothers Soo Se and Chunny all gathered around their brother Vajra Hanuman, ( Tony, they were all raised as brothers) and held each other tight in their Mommy’s Arms.
Not a sound other than the weeping of so many could be heard as the Great Nature Mother The Rain drenched our Beings.
I loved the rain and bowed in thanks.
I watched every one not move as clothes stuck to their bodies and the heat turning cool, no one moved or left, hundreds of people from all walks of life, old and young babies and children, no one moved, all sat in the rain tenderly, in this hour of the dead as if to say NO HASTE MA, HOLD YOUR BABIES.
My Tony travels the world and yet there he was Jim’s Boy in my arms holding his Grandma as the rain washed us all of some of the grief and agony.
Because I could not keep death away from our Jimmy Boy, I begged so many to learn and understand about depression and drink and drugs.
Again the rain came down and no one moved.
Yet we could feel the spirits of our Dead Rise In Loving Arms over and over again and again from the Waters of our Ganga.
Over the heads of my children in my arms, I saw into all your eyes the ones whose pain was so apparent from their loved ones taking their lives and I held you all, held you all.
I looked toward our Mother Kali’s Pujari our Swami Bhagavati Das and our Smashan Mother Kali’s Pujari Smashan Yogini Jaya and told them to begin.
I watched my Doc, Fischer and his beautiful wife Betsy just sitting in the pouring rain, feeling so deeply for their friend of almost thirty years and I felt glad they were there.
I then looked at my Yashoda, and truly such grief, I have never saw in my life.
My Jimmy Boy loved Yashoda almost as much as he loved me.
She was the one he called when he needed to speak.
She was always there.
I had to turn away or I would of not been able to be there for all of you.
Shody, I can not tell you what your love for my son, means to me all these years.
Thank you is not enough.
I love you.
The Pujas began and the Rain stopped as She disappeared into the Sacred Earth of Mother Kashi.
It breaks my heart to know that no one is exempt from depression or the dark mysteries of the heat of the heart.
Perhaps in that moment black terror itself weeps and yet can not stop.
The Pujas, the Great Fire Pujas which the Mother has combined into THREE IN ONE, BECOMING THE NACHIKETAS FIRES OF DEATH AND LIFE AND ALL THAT IS IN BETWEEN
THE TRIPLE NACHIKETAS FIRE WHICH IS WRITTEN IN THE KATHA UPANISAD, ROSE IN HUNGER TO CONSUME THE GEE AND THE RICE.
There was such an OMNIPRESENT SPIRIT that we all felt.
Our pain and anguish was food for the flames.
Drinking the Gee, the flames opened all our hearts.
The Pujas were done in the most ancient spectacular way.
We made ready to take Jim’s graves earth to be part of our Ganga into the boat which became our Jimmy’s chariot.
My chelas, rowed out to the middle of our Holy Ganga and I said start the FIRE WORKS NOW AS I HELD THE MOTHER EARTH’S BOUNTY IN MY HANDS.
And so I write about this moment that my very own Shiva and my very own Shyam Baba made so special.
Magnificent Fire Works lit up the sky, as 44 of my chelas dressed in white went around the Ganga holding candles representing our Jimmy’s life.
( He would have been 44 August 2 )
Flowers that were fit for the SUPREME COSMIC GODS WERE PLACED INTO THE GANGA WHERE MY GANGA MAYEE JAYAS CANDLES LIT UP THE WATERS WHERE MY DEAD LAY IN PEACE.
Our Jimmy Boy loved fire works and indeed my boys loved having this fellowship with my son as they turned the sky into a great smile for Jim Boy.
Shade and Shadows and Glowing Light and Rain and Fires, all were performed like a ballet for the Mother and Her Son’s Heart.
My chelas, I will write more this week and then begin my life of service again and again.
One of the highlights was to give in our Jimmy Boy’s Name from his Memorial fund, enough to send many to a CHILDRENS AID’S CAMP AND TO GIVE ENOUGH TO OUR FEED EVERY ONE TO MAKE SURE THAT CHILDREN WERE ABLE TO GO TO SCHOOL NOT WEARING RAGS OR NOT HAVING BOOKS AND SUPPLIES.
TO HELP OUR PEOPLE SOME WHO ARE SO POOR THAT EVERY PENNY IS WORTH SO MUCH, BURY THEIR DEAD WITH DIGNITY AND GRACE.
TO HAVE A JIMMY DiFiore MEMORIAL GARDEN ON OUR BLESSED KASHI WHERE EVERY ONE CAN COME AND SIT UNTIL GRIEF HAS GONE EVEN SLIGHTLY INTO THE HEART OF MOTHER KASHI.
THIS GREAT INTERFAITH TEACHINGS OF OUR BABA, IS SPREADING THROUGH OUT THE WORLD AND WE ARE ALL TRYING TO BRING AWARENESS OF THOSE WHO ARE IN NEED AND TO BRING A GENTLENESS OF KALI NATHA YOGA TO ALL WHO CAN HEAR OF DEATH AND LIFE AND DEATH ONCE MORE.
My chelas, you have eased the Mother’s heart and whole being.
You have given your all to our Jimmy Boy and in this way you have given your all to your Ma and Her Gracious City.
I love you all with every part of my being.
My Pujas and my Prayers are that you know of this love and live and swim in your Guru’s Heart.
I know that our Jimmy Boy is in the Arms of his Beloved Christ and His Virgin Mother Our Lady of Guadalupe and always and forever in my heart and arms.
He is such a big part of our Mother Kashi’s Ganga now.
Sleep well my Jimmy Boy, Sleep and be aware at the same life’s moment of death.
Love Mom.
Love Ma Jaya
Tenzin Yangchen
Jai Kali Ma Ki Jai
Always at His Feet, Our Neem Karoli Baba Ki Jai
