Om Ganesha,
Morning Pujas and Prayers
Feb. 10, 2005
Namaste my chelas all over the world,
My Raja Ma Jaya sent in three movies for Her Guru Mother to watch all about old New York Brooklyn Coney Island and such.
Usually I watch the many videos and movies that my Omkar Naga Makes me for the past over twenty years as I do Pujas and Prayers to keep me detached from what i was praying for. ( one day I will explain this to you all )
My Prema Dasi Jaya has also gotten me great movies to sink my human heart in as I stay up all night doing Pujas that go out all over the world and into the heavens.
Yet these three movies took me by surprise.
Your Ma grew up in the land of Brooklyn yet I grew up in the world of sand, dark dank wet magnificent sand under the board walk eating out of what ever vessel we could find.
And I would not change a thing, not one moment of being with the four people who helped me become who I am today.
My Mata Giri Jaya has spent the last 29 years dragging from me stories that I thought would be a silent part of my being for all of my life to take into my next life time of service.
For this I am grateful to this tough lady of mine, our Mata Giri Jaya for every word she fought for your Ma to write.
(Next time she yells at you just tell her you love her and she will not know what to do)
My Raja Ma Jaya sent in these films and I could not stop watching or crying or laughing.
Even in those hungry moments of my life, truly hungry for food and for life, my Big Henry all torn and tattered and truly the GENTLE GIANT of life would hand me a crushed spaldine once pink ball and just play ball with the little white Jewish girl of the streets.
Back and forth the ball would go as we would crouch down under the board walk getting stronger and stronger in the legs than any little girl of five would ever be.
My only dream in those days was to have a fresh pink spaldine ball.
It did not have to be pink, it only shouldn’t be so dirty that pink was only the balls memory.
And as the music blasted from the board walk, the ball would go faster and faster.
Big Henry would be on His Knees and laugh and laugh.
You got it girl child he would yell out in the darkness of the boards.
And almost always a penny or a nickel would fall through the cracks and its shinny color would lead us to it in the wet sand.
And one day out of no where, a pink shiny new spaldine came flying into our Home under the boards right into the great big cardboard box we call our apt.
It was a rainy day and the beach was fairly empty.
I knew that God had heard my prayers.
Here was my beautiful new shiny pink spaldine ball.
All hunger pangs disappeared.
I only knew one thing.
Hide the dam ball before any one could take it from us.
Henry! I cried, lets pretend to sleep and they will think we don’t have the ball.
We will lay right on it and then we will walk the boards to the end at Manhattan beach and bounce our new ball.
Oh I was so happy.
Until I heard a voice saying, Hey youse seen my ball.
It went under here.
No I cried out so loud, loud for a older kid never mind for a little girl of about five.
Big Henry smiled and all I could see was his white teeth coming toward my blankets and sheets of the Brooklyn Eagle. The pink goddess was underneath it all.
Hey kid said my beautiful Big Henry, we got it right here.
Give it up girl child, give it right now.
No I cried wanting to die, no no no.
Child IT AINT YOURS TO KEEP.
The little boy about 9 or so just watched in awe.
Then a miracle happened.
The little boy sat on an old rusty milk box that we kept our things in and said: can I watch you play?
NO I CRIED OUT, NO NO NO.
It is my ball now.
Henry just smiled and said, it aint yours girl child.
The little boy said: oh she can play with it for a little while.
Henry crawled over to the big box and searched under the papers and me and found the pink treasure.
I went crazy and tried to bite Big Henry.
The little boy just laughed and laughed.
Henry picked up the pink ball and gave it back to the little boy.
Who are you here with child asked Big Henry.
I live in the big apartment building on the board walk and I am allowed to play on the board walk.
I was trying to throw the ball into the the empty box said the boy.
And I did He said proudly.
Well yes you did good said Henry. Now here is your ball.
No No No I cried like a she wild animal.
It aint yours girl child Big Henry said quietly.
The little boy took the ball out of Big Henry giant hands and started to run off.
Big Henry held me as the boy went off into his own world on top of the boards on Coney Island Ave and the board walk right at the end of the street.
Just then the boy threw the ball at me and said Hey girl child ( thinking this was my name) you can keep it, I have others.
I could not believe my ears.
Big Henry simply picked up the ball and handed it to me saying words that I believe changed my life forever.
NOW IT IS YOURS GIRL CHILD, NOW IT IS YOURS.
I didn’t see the little boy for a long time, not on top of the boards or under the boards or on the beach.
Then one day as we were walking the boards there was a group of children playing ball and the little boy was right there.
Sure enough he had another ball with Him and was playing monkey in the middle.
I was holding my ball in my hands, both hands to make sure the kid didn’t try to take it back.
My Big Henry said ITS YOURS GIRL CHILD TO KEEP OR GIVE AWAY.
But you gots to let it out of your hands to bounce it and enjoy it.
I was holding it so tight that I could not enjoy the spaldine of my dreams.
Holding on for ever and ever, not even wanting to share it with my best friend Big Henry.
Did not trust any one to play with the ball.
Then I knew, just knew that the ball was nothing if I did not share.
I threw the ball at the boy and he caught it just as the boy in the middle of the game caught his ball.
My heart stood still and then he threw the ball back to me and my first lesson of trust and sharing was learnt in the bright sunlight of Brighten Beach.
Latter on Big Henry began to teach me the value of sharing and so my chelas 6o years later I share my life with all of you.
I share my love and my sorrows and my gifts, with all of you with complete trust and of course love.
And those things which you wish was yours that others posses, you simply have to say IT AINT MINE.
All those things that count like the moving of the branches in the wind and the falling of an acorn or just the scents of life.
These are yours and mine and of course they come from the Great Feminine breasts of Motherly consciousness.
Remember what our Baba taught your Ma when I asked Him for another name of God or Goddess.
It is all in the sharing, sharing is another name of God.
God the Mother and God the Father.
Yet to me my Big Henry and Old Hudson and Chicky and Chews they were the Feminine, the Great Goddesses in all their Forms.
And when the hunger disappears and new hungers come in, just think of the little pink ball and how it meant nothing if I could not bounce it through life.
Then that which was not mine became mine because it was yours also just like the words I put as prasad for you on this Darshan Line.
Love Ma
Jai Kali Ma Ki Jai
Always at His Feet Our Neem Karoli Baba Ki Jai