Om Ganesha,
Namaste my chelas all over the world.
It is a very rare letter that is so filled with love and joy bliss sadness and compassion all in one.
My Guru Jaya Das has the ability to write as such.
I miss him so much and promise to hug him nice and tight.
Now one writes like my son.
I give you your favorite writer.
My own Guru Jaya Das, MY CUTIE PIE.
Love Ma
Jai Kali Ma Ki Jai
Always at His Feet of Our Neem Karoli Baba Ki Jai
Namaste my beloved MA,
The awareness of my good fortune fills me with awe and gratitude. I sing the song of how blessed I am. You have always cradled me in your in your loving arms MA, very much of late, keeping me out of harms way. Being in the hospital recently kept me from traveling to KASHI to celebrate your birthday. Physical pain can bring on depression, recalling when I was last in that hospital 14 years ago and I was there in matters of life and death, awaiting my liver transplant. I’m okay now, letting the stress of the body melt into your healing hands. One can truly grow out of chaos. I guess this old dowager “queen” is going to match the long time reign of that other queen. GOD SAVE THE QUEENS but most of all GOD BLESS YOU, MY MA!
Waking this Global Darshan Saturday, I feel the paw of my dog, resting on my chest, his tail wagging, greeting me in his unconditional loving way to the dawn of the new day. It affirms the positive feeling in my mind and body, even my sleeping snoring partner, Vasu “cookie” still looks halfway good to me after 26 years. Miraculous isn’t it, again reaffirming the magic of the mother works who 24/7. For a moment, I sink back, feel a sense of fear, doubtful, question myself, why am I doing all of this anyway? I want to put the covers back over my head, hide myself, enjoy playing a self absorbed narcissist, go back to sleep. My beloved wives, my rivers are now not available, Ganga traveling constantly to San Diego to parent her ailing mom and dad, Yamuna working her new job with the Cake Divas. I miss the dynamic we have when we serve together, and now I have a new person, Jeff, to serve with me, who needs this? I think perhaps I should cancel the day. I startle myself into being in the moment. I cannot allow myself to be filled with inertia. I begin again to truly feel the essence of my essential self being expanded back into my mind and body. I visualize the day before me and now with glee, realizing when I serve I am at my very best. In almost an instant, you the mother has replenished her momentarily lost child, well not really a child but this sometimes old silly fart.
I drive to pick up my new serving partner, who knows about you because he is one of our new speakers in the organization GLIDE (Gays and Lesbians Initiating Dialogue for Equality), and has heard me talk about you. I do that in a brief bio of myself when talking to the students about homophobia, putting a face out there, mine, coming out each time to groups of strangers, many still think about in the most negative way. I show that gays can be spiritual, I tell them about serving the homeless, and this other speaker, Jeff, gets curious, when he hears about it and asks to help. I tell my classes that among the 90,000 homeless in Los Angeles, there are many gay kids, who were rejected by their families, are homeless, become some of the hustlers in Hollywood, and are more than three times more likely to commit suicide than straight kids. I tell the classes that “God makes no throw-away people, makes no mistakes, sees no gender, no sexual orientation, but that God only sees your soul” MA, you are with me always, doing and learning to live my life in service. To think that nine years ago I was still a corporate vice president, flying in corporate jets, traveling the world, running 500 hundred stores, thinking nothing else could match the rush of that, and now discovering what truly nurtures me is serving others. If anyone would have told me that then, I would have laughed in their face. It’s truly payback time for me now and I’m being nurtured every moment I do serve.
This morning is our own Sita Jenni’s birthday. This amazing young woman, who is still alive (someone too is watching over her) losing hundred of pounds, still overcoming the demons that have plagued her. We sit at the breakfast table, our Los Angeles Ashram family, Our Swami’s, now three, Swami Laxman Das (what a lovely sound I thought I’d never hear) baking the delicious birthday cake, Kali Baba and Vishana Dev celebrating 26 years together, Kali Ma, and Janaka Jaya (those Bette Davis eyes aflutter) and our new serving recruit, Jeff, his mouth wide open looking at this cast of characters. Swami Bhavatarini does an calculation of all our ages. “49” she announces, averaged from old as dirt me at 74 to the thirtyish Bette Davis, now doing her academy award performance washing the dishes The sun busts through our so called June gloom, and we go outside, set up our sandwich assembly line, always done with the help of Kali Baba and Vishan Dev, and soon, the car loaded, off on our route.
Jeff admits to me he is a bit scared, questioning why he volunteered before he knew what serving was like. “Is it dangerous? Do they get violent? “Never” I reply. Our first stop is James, the mayor of the donut shop strip center, who announces he has again been robbed of all his possessions, “that means a whole new spring wardrobe for you my man” I tell him, picking up some choice clothes I try and keep handy in the trunk, always with a supply of fresh socks. I look at this amazing survivor of the streets, wearing his signature two hats, and I am overwhelmed always by his courage and desire to survive, no matter what. Living on the streets surely is not for wimps. Christian is standing in front of the 99 cents store, on crutches, with a smile as big as Grand Canyon when he sees us. “Hi Arnold, great to see you”, greeting me by that other name. “This is Jeff”, I introduce him. “God Bless you both” he says, still smiling broadly. Jeff gets back in the car, and breaks down in tears, “I can’t believe this is happening to me, I am so moved” My god I think another emotional queen to contend with, besides myself. “Hang in in there Jeff” I say “we’ve got many more sandwiches to serve”.
Lisa is already waiting for us at Echo Park, waving to us as we approach. “Are you okay” I ask, “If you guys are okay” she answers, “I’m okay, so bless you for bringing us food”. We get swamped by a whole group of immigrant day laborers, mostly out of work, hungry and grateful to see us, some are already soused. “Ola banditos” or translated “hello you bandits” I say jokingly, playing the macho dude, who I really am, when I’m not wearing my tiara. Teresa, another old timer and veteran of alcohol and abuse, greets me like an old friend. “Salud, Amor, y Pesatas” also translated is a toast, offering health , love, and money. She laughs, and responds in broken English, “the first one maybe but forget about the last two” . “You got socks” she asks. “you know we wouldn’t forget about you” I say handing her a few pair. I feel this day how effortlessly it is to feel the warmth of love, seeing the goodness in everyone you meet. As we drive away Jeff still teary eyed, opens up and reveals he has been in therapy for over twenty years, a victim of childhood abuse, but by doing service has made something shift in him, he can’t believe it but asks if he can keep doing this every week with me.
I criss-cross the city and return to the ashram for Global Phone Darshan. We are all so excited about you MA coming back to your favorite city. Yes we know those chelas from Atlanta are your “cutie pies” but we know we are really your favorites? Aren’t we MA? MA? Could you tell we are envious? jealous?. Wasn’t the South on the losing side in that war between the states? Whatever, we love you “cutie pies” too. The room settles in, the faithful gather round, to hear the call. “Apart we are less, together we are more” you say and it echoes in my head. “We are a teaching of service” you repeat, and I know that is my connection to spirituality. Real spiritual growth does come from serving others. I create positive karma when I serve. You fill me with such compassion MA, as I do serve, I still surprise myself by the effect it has on me, that you have on me. You have taught me how to trust my divine self, and I don’t have to be in the business of selling shoes to prove myself. You teach me always our religion is the spirit of kindness, that one has to be grateful and serve to be of that religion, as I trust that the mother does indeed bring the true self to the surface of our being.
I am also reminded there is nothing like having the guru in the flesh, that I am eager to see you, and already imagining you are hugging me, how I long for that, and I’m filled with love for you my guru, my MA. I reflect on that love I do have for you, and this again is my love letter to you.
Your son, Guru Jaya Das